Libraries and Camps and Bookcart Drill Teams: The Long Twisty Journey from There to Here

Dawn Babb Prochovnic, author of the “Story Time with Signs and Rhymes” series, was kind enough to interview me on her blog about Little Hands and Big Hands and signing with children:

An Interview with Kathy MacMillan

I initially entitled this post “An Interview with Author, Kathy MacMillan,” but in addition to being an author of several books, Kathy is also an ASL interpreter, sign language workshop presenter, a trained librarian (and probably a host of other things I haven’t learned about quite yet!).

I was first “introduced” to Kathy when I read her book, “Little Hands and Big Hands: Children and Adults Signing Together.” Kathy and I share a love for signing with hearing children of all ages, and I really connected with her simple, accessible approach to signing with kids. I did a little research and found out that she is the author of several other books (some of which are pictured later), and she blogs and presents regularly at libraries and other community venues.

I wanted to get to know Kathy a bit better, and she was kind enough to participate in an interview:

Dawn: How did you first become interested in sign language (and in particular, signing with hearing children)?

Find out the answer – and lots more – in the full interview here.

Use It

My nine-year-old is away from home for the first time this week, away on a school trip.  I know he’s having a wonderful time and I am so glad he has this opportunity, but missing him is like gastrointestinal distress or a mouth ulcer – a constant, unpleasant presence that could flare up into pain at any moment.  I know he’s not a baby anymore, but come on, he’ll always be my baby.

I’m also working on a revision this week, and I happen to at a part of the story where my protagonist has suffered a devastating loss.  So at least I can harness the pain of the temporarily empty nest…

Confidence and Serenity

Most people who know me would tell you that I am a pretty confident person.  I’ve managed to be more or less successful as a librarian, a storyteller, and an interpreter…almost anything I have tried my hand at professionally.

Writing is something different, though.  Even though I have published several books, and big things are looming on the horizon, I don’t think I will ever be truly confident as a writer.  When I think about all the rejections and the disheartening editorial letters and the years and years it has taken to get to this place, I am amazed that I am here at all.  The only reason I haven’t given up is that I am really good at staying busy and ignoring the negative.  Still, the smallest things can shoot down your confidence.  Here’s a short list of things that can derail you, if you’re me:

  • Your least favorite person in the world gets a book deal.
  • Your favorite person in the world gets a book deal.
  • Your least favorite person’s book is so successful that it spawns a movie.
  • Someone close to you refuses to read your work, saying, “If I don’t like it, you’ll be mad at me.”
  • You read a terrible book and fume that such a horrendous writer got published before you.
  • You read an amazing book and sink into depression that you will never write anything that good.

And then there’s this: in the spring of 2011, my good friend Annette passed away.  She was an early reader of The Library of the Gods, and helped me work out several plot issues.  (She’s there, in the story, too – but only readers who knew her well are likely to spot her cameo.)  After her death, I suffered my worst writer’s block ever.  It was only when another friend and former writing partner I hadn’t seen in over ten years contacted me out of the blue that I was able to get it together again.  I will always credit Annette’s spirit with giving her the nudge to send that well-timed friend request.

And this current slump I’m in?  I could blame the weather, or the flu that knocked me for a loop in February, or letting too much of a lull happen between working on different projects.  Or just plain old scaredy-cat fear.  But the truth is, part of the reason I like novel-writing is that it’s unlike any of the other projects I work on.  It’s never going to be perfect; it’s never going to fit into a timeline or a to-do list or a specific writing technique.  It has to unfold on its own.  So while I ruminate over the revision I am about to undertake, I shall allow myself not to rush it.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the persistence to finish the damn book.

The In-Between Place

On February 11, I finished the draft I had been working on for over eighteen months.  (Okay, I actually finished it on February 10, but I have this thing about finishing drafts on my birthday if at all possible, so I dragged it out for an extra day.  Happy birthday to me!)  For a year and half I had been immersed in the world of the story, a world of magic and romance and cold iron.  And now, hard as it is, I know the best thing I can do for the story is to walk away from it for at least six months.

Part of the reason I had been pushing to finish it was that I was scheduled to start an edit of another book and I wanted to make sure I would be mentally ready to jump into that.  But life has intervened, and that edit has been pushed back (though I expect it will start any day now), so I have been in a weird, in-between place.

Mind you, there’s still plenty to fill my time.  I still don’t quite understand how, no matter how many items I check off my to-do list, they still multiply like stink bugs.  (I was going to say rabbits or dandelions, but those are both way too pleasant images.  Stink bugs capture my feelings on the subject much better.)  I’ve been getting lots of things done that I’ve been putting off for awhile, working on projects for Deaf Camps, Inc., the nonprofit I am passionately committed to, and finally justifying my nonfiction co-author’s faith in me by finishing up the proposal I’d been putting off.  And oh, how I love having time to catch up on all the books that have been sitting on my bedside table for months.

But I have to admit I feel a little adrift without a writing project to anchor me.  I know that some writers can bounce between projects easily, and maybe I should be able to do that, but the thing is, I don’t want to.  I love getting wrapped up in a novel I am writing, setting aside hours at a time so I can really dig into the story instead of writing it in bits and pieces.  Even then, when you can give yourself over to that world for awhile each day, writing is hard, sometimes downright painful.  Why would I want to do it in a way that made it less enjoyable?  What would be the point?

But the downside is the In-Between Place.

Everyday Evil

I recently finished The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil by Philip Zimbardo (Random House, 2007).cover of The Lucifer Effect

This book was extremely hard to read.

So hard, in fact, that I actually used up all twenty renewals on the library copy I had, and had to return it and get a new copy.   (That means it took me over a year to read the whole thing.)  I would read a chapter or two, and then need to put it down.  The descriptions of real-life evil acts conducted by ordinary people were just too intense to bear for long.  Sometimes it was weeks before I could pick the book up again.

Zimbardo is best known as the head of the Stanford Prison Experiment, a seminal experiment in social psychology in which middle-class 1970s college students played the roles of prisoners and guards while researchers explored the powerful effects of situation in shaping behavior.  The experiment was shut down prematurely when the situation drew out dehumanizing tendencies not only in guards, but in the researchers themselves, who played administrators in the false prison.  Rattled by the personal and professional effects of the experiment, Zimbardo has made it his life’s work to pursue an understanding of how situational factors influence human behavior.  In this book, he describes the experiment in sometimes painful detail and connects its lessons with other atrocities of aggression and omission, from the abuses of prisoners at Abu Ghraib to the murder of Kitty Genovese.

We Americans, in particular, tend to think of ourselves as unique individuals, deciding our own fates, but research shows that we all have “situated identities” – that is, we behave in different ways in different situations, and those ways are shockingly easy to predict.  In fact, Zimbardo argues that it’s easy to predict your behavior based on your ethnicity, social class, education, religion, and where you live – with no knowledge of your social class at all.

If our identities are largely socially constructed, then it make sense that good people often fall prey to situational logic, where our involvement in a group may encourage us redefine our behavior as something better than it is, lose our sense of personal responsibility, or dehumanize others because the group demands it.  Anyone who has experienced middle school knows that this is so – what disturbs me most is that the evidence shows that we don’t necessarily grow out of it.

We can’t be hermits, so we have to maintain our critical facilities at all times.  Zimbardo says this best: “We must regularly assess the worth of our social involvements.  The challenge for each of us is how best to oscillate between two poles, immersing fully and distancing appropriately.”

As fiction writers, we need to be keenly aware of the pull of situational factors on our characters.  It’s not enough to know that a character is spunky, or passive, or riddled with self-doubt, or charismatic.  Even more important to his or her behavior is the setting, the social expectations, the groups of which the character is a member.

Though The Lucifer Effect was a difficult read, I am glad I made it through.  The book maintains unflinching allegiance to the truth, to the underlying belief that shines through even the darkest descriptions that, while evil is frighteningly banal, so is heroism.  Because in the end, Zimbardo illuminates the fact that “we are all heroes in waiting”.